We are Deja Vu.

 Hello everyone.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. I am glad to share to share to my journey.

This picture is pretty huh? This picture is Santa Monica, California. This day was a turning point for me.

Let me give you a little about me. My name is Ember. I have Dissociative Identity Disorder or "DID". I refer to myself as we or us a lot. DID stems from lots of trauma. I have 8 alters that I know of so far. Alters are personalities. Basically, I have 8 people in one body. All have names, gender identities, there own likes dislikes just anyone else. People with DID are referred to as a system. We chose the system name Deja Vu because DID has amnesia and memory gaps so sometimes we get deja vu when we see people. As each of us in the system choose to blog you will see we have different roles and perspectives. We are 37 years old and most of us identify with She/ her pronouns. I am transitioning to female.

    As I stated by the picture that day changed me... How? To fully explain by saying last year in April I left from a 8 year marriage. I moved from Kentucky back to Las Vegas, Nevada on July 12th. Two weeks before moving back to Vegas I met someone who introduced me to Kpop which if you do not know is Korean pop music. By November that relationship, which was I do not speak about often ended. It sparked a passion in me that has only evolved. I went to California for the first time to Anaheim to Ateez concert. It reminded me how much I love to travel.

    Fast forward to last month... I drove a moving van with both stuff and crazy amount of animals from Las Vegas to Chicago. I hit a white out snowstorm in Flagstaff, Arizona. I also woke up in Texas somewhere to hail and a tornado with winds strong enough I thought the van was going to flip. I stopped in Tulsa to see my sister but because of snow I could stay for 30 minutes. I had not seen my sister in like three years. I hated that I could only stay such a short time but had a bearded dragon in the car with only hand warmer to keep him warm. I kinda liked being in the truck. I was going to fly home but the flights were sold out for 2 days. I spent 2 days in the airport. I had to throw away an entire bag of clothes because Spirit charged me $235 dollars for a ticket then they charged me $89 per bag. I could not afford to get both bags on the plane. 

    While stuck in the airport I had to work my job as a phone sex operator. Do you know how hard it is to do that job in airport? I got home to Las Vegas and I was home not even an entire day and I was in my car headed off to a kpop concert. I had so much fun living in my car. It felt so free visiting the beach every day. I had almost 5 days of sight seeing the sights. The last day I went to my concert and it was so worth it. Stray kidz was the group. The day I got there I realized I was short cash to eat on so I just went by a food pantry in Santa Monica and got a box. I ate on it while I was there.

    I loved taking in the sights. Venice Beach, Long beach, Santa Monica, Hollywood etc. The day I arrived I got there as the sunset over the ocean in Santa Monica and I took that picture. I realized I love my 2005 Honda CR-V. Its comfortable to sleep in and the tinted windows make it ideal. I am looking forward to more time in my car. I will write more soon about future plans. - Angel